tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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