And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
