Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
