I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just found puke in my bra..
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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