There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
