Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
