I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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