Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
