The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
