Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
