This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize