My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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