i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
