This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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