you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize