Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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