He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
