Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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