Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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