I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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