I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
