My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
