The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize