I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
