So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
