you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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