don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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