i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
