Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I wish there were birth control emojis
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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