Will you blow on my dice?
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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