So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
