wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
