What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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