Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
