Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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