I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
