if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize