ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
