this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
