You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
