First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
