I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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