From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
