If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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