WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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