she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
