I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
