remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
