Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
