I'm really into asian looking animals
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
