I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I got inside last night via doggy door
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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