question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
