They should really pass out barf bags in church
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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