I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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