Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My feet surprised me
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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