Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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