my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I need a burrito and a hug.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
