And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
