he puts the penis in happiness.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The best revenge is premature balding
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
