11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
