why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
