she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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