Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
