he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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