i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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