why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
