You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
