I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
