Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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