I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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