I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
