Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
