im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
