Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
A+ Viking dick
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
