Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
