Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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