I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize