If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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