We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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