im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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