I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize