woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
