Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
