I like my sex mixed with concussions.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
