I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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