winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Are my feet made of real feet?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
