it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This is the high leading the old right now
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
