My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you are never too drunk for berry picking
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
