You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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