Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
