I wanna bring you to show and tell
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
