i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
