Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
