I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
