this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
