its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
