Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize