I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
