i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
