he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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